Islam and Life: Muslim and the institution of marriage

asak , as a woman i am already wounded by a mans islam ((though perosnally i am thankful to my Allah i was born in KAshmir and not lets say in pakistan or KSa) which is derogatory and belitting to women, In my Allah i see HE gave me a lot of love and created me to be a human but his muslim man could not reconcile with this so he defaced HIS words and reduced a woman to a mere womb.I see the wisdom in Allah,s scheme to appoint the man as head of this instituton called marriage but a man has in most part failed to see his true responsibilties and only wanted to extract his rights.Imagine how a woman feels when i am told that i must submit to my husbands sexual demands any time else i will be cursed by angels, i have two arguments to put forward to muslim men when they tout their rights in marriage
1- GOD was talking about an ideal man so islamic juridpridence should come up with situation when a man is not the ideal husband or father_which is the norm
2-if GOD created a woman to be a mother and most clerics patronise a woman saying that this is her divine duty and she has been honoured to raise children then how come if she has been deemed capable by the divine to raise a child is she not fit to be head of the house, make sound decisions and so on and on about womans character flaws a muslim man has a list of .In fact the argument made that a woman is emotional would have worked in the favor of marriage stability because a woman would mostly keep the sanctity of marriage alive due to this flaw.

As a living breathing thinking human who also happens to be a woman, daughter ,wife and mother i submit to muslim men that women grew up while men (most i submit) refused to and want to hide behind the divine as they see it.

This disussion was very interesting but too subtle , your guest was being too political.

Really enjoyed this especially the aspects of the deeper metaphysical realities of being a man and woman. I’d love to see that explained more as I think the “Marriage is great” typical of Muslim lectures on marriage gets old and boring.
All the best

Al Salamu Aleikum,

I am disappointed that the discussion remained vague and largely inapplicable. The reasons for the marriage problems of Muslims in the West have not been touched upon- they are largely sociological as well as psychological; metaphysical redefinitions are not going to solve them or do away with them. Convert Muslim marriages can perhaps be compared favorably to marriages in the dominant culture but marriages between people who emigrated from Muslim-majority countries or between second generation Muslims experience other forces and dynamics. Although gender roles ( I am not sure that it is the right word when we speak on the metaphysical level) are metaphysically profoundly different, we can see that society and culture are strong elements in the modulation of those roles. Invoking the spiritual underpinnings of our identities at this juncture may be seen as another reductionist approach. It may be that many of us still have androgynous qualities and need to live in heterosexual unions that provide for the full elaboration of our God-given potential as well as meet our emotional and spiritual needs, instead of being hijacked into stereotypical definitions. Some convert men and women throw themselves into “hyper-traditional” marital roles- on the basis of psychological and sociological needs – with a sigh of relief away from the contradictions of their original cultures, they establish marriages that do not necessary reflect the needs of other Muslims who are ready for a change, a development, a creative living together away from traditional marriages that they have known and observed in their own cultures.

I agree that premarital education and an upbringing that prepares for the meaning and realities of marriage are key, but stereotypes are not helpful be they metaphysical or otherwise.

Respectfully and with deep gratitude to you Dr. Ramadan, as always.