When it comes to relations between free and equal human beings, autonomous and independent nations, or civilizations, religions and cultures, appeals for the tolerance of others are no longer relevant. When we are on equal terms, it is no longer a matter of conceding tolerance, but of rising above that and educating ourselves to respect others. This requires a very different intellectual and emotional attitude. It begins with the recognition that the presence of the other within my own conception of the world is both a fact and a necessity. As we have seen, the oldest African and Asian traditions, like Hinduism, Buddhism and then the monotheisms, recognize, explicitly or implicitly, the necessary presence of other Ways, either because they stipulate that that several paths can lead to the truth, or because that presence influences and shapes the way I conceive my own relationship with my truth. Pluralism is a precondition for humility and a defence against potential excesses. Islam confirms their transversal teaching by synthesizing the two dimensions. The verse, ‘Had God so willed, He would have made you a single community’ (5: 48) expresses the essence and finality of this diversity in no uncertain terms. This message is echoed elsewhere in the Quran: ‘Had not God checked some groups of people [nations, societies, religions] by means of others . . . the earth would have been corrupted’ (2: 251) and ‘monasteries would have been pulled down as well as synagogues, churches and mosques’ (22: 40). Inherent in diversity and powers certainly imply that the possibility of conflicts and disturbances, but the survival of men depends upon them, and they teach us both a sense of proportion and humility. When it looks out on to the world and at societies as they are, consciousness looks inwards and has to reckon with its own tendency to take the view that ‘my truth’ is the only truth: we never stop being drawn to the sirens of the dogmatic spirit and its haughty smugness, which insists that our relationship with the other is only meaningful if we try to convince the other that we alone are in possession of the truth. Dialogue then consists in talking, and never in listening: the other is the privileged field for my proselytism. My truth has become a blind and blinding passion: it imprisons me when it should set me free; an alienation.
An act of reason is therefore necessary, first of all, to teach us to become reasonable. Recognizing the diversity of paths and the equality of all human beings are the two preconditions for the respect that allows us to get beyond the power relationship characteristic of relations of tolerance. In addition to that factual and objective recognition, we also need an intellectual disposition: if I can tolerate and suffer the presence of whom I do not know, I cannot come to respect others without making any attempt to know them. Respect, therefore, implies an active and proactive attitude towards others, rather than a passive attitude: we have to be curious about the other’s presence and being, and try to know the other once we have learned to recognize him. Recognition, active curiosity and knowledge introduce our intellects and hearts to the world of the complexity of others. We begin to gain access to their principles, hopes, tensions and contradictions, as well as the diversity of currents that run through their universe of reference. Tolerance can reduce the other to a mere presence; respect opens up to us the complexity of his being. At the same time, it teaches us to recognize that the other is as complex as we are: he is our equal, our mirror, our question. The other exists within me, and I exist within the other.
Reason thus brings us back to the path of the heart, to the path we were talking about at the beginning of this chapter. Philosophies, spiritualities, religions and currents within psychology have never been so unanimous as on the role the self-to-self relationship plays in the relationship between self and others. Nature and humanity, with their uniqueness and their colours, refer us back to our innermost being: with or without a microcosm, with or without God and with or without the unconscious, we must seek harmony and peace with ourselves, and accede to the other, within us . . . and discover ourselves in the other. Reason, which allows our consciousness to move from mere recognition to an understanding of, and respect for, the other, gradually opens up the way of the heart which, because it understands, appreciates and, because it appreciates, learns to love. The path is difficult, and the educational process is long: an encounter with the other, a return to the self, self-transcendence, initiation. The path of tolerance ends as the mind becomes more resolute; the way of respect is the key to a heart that is open. The reason that has become reasonable must learn to understand the essence and reasons of affection and love.
And yet nothing can ever be taken for granted: rejection, intolerance, xenophobia, individual and institutional racism, missionary proselytism, the temptation to colonize, truths that are not open to debate and collective, impassioned, even hysterical and deaf passions will always pose a threat to men, rich and poor, and to societies, industrialized or not. Human beings will never be totally safe from this dark side of their humanity. The spiritualities, philosophies and religions that have been present throughout history are there to remind us of these fragilities, these vulnerabilities and these dangers: they are so many reminders on the way, and their own excesses must also be there to remind us. We have to watch the world, and watch ourselves, with the humility of those who know, in the very depths of their being, that learning to become human is a process that that never ends. Learn to listen, and to listen to ourselves, every day, always. And always recall one truth: nothing can ever really be taken for granted . . . neither respect, nor love.
Br. Tariq. Not that it is to be said but know we love and respect you more than you know! may Allah bless you always.
May Allah (swt) reward you immensely for this article. It is so true we need to listen to each other and communicate together so we can break the ice. I believe respect is more important than love because it will eventually teach us how we can love each other and tolerate each other.
Thanks so much for all your efforts..
‘To have respect’ is a very broad term which has 3 distinct elements.
The first is the right of all races, both genders, people of all sexualities, to have equality under the law and in society, and, along with all other animals, the right not to suffer ill treatment or violence.
The second element is respect that is earned, that can be lost or gained due to behaviour, eg. a dishonest politician, an abusive partner.
The third element is respect for ideas. This is more complicated as ideas and beliefs are often bound up with identity. If religious beliefs are challenged it may be perceived by an adherent that it is their person and identity that are being disrespected.
This needs to be disentangled. The nature of existence concerns us all. Ideas and beliefs should be debated and dissected and, yes, disrespected if necessary, not least because they can often impinge upon and affect the rights described above.
The notion that ideas and beliefs are immune from criticism and demand unquestioning, automatic respect does not belong in the twenty first century.
it is the hall mark of a dignified glorious mind of graceful humility that makes respectful space for the autonomous equal dignified healthy coexistence between two spirits, of like or different nature, at the same time, soaring themselves and the others into great heights of self and collective explorations, that results in new lucrative horizons opening, new suns dawning and win-win for everyone. now wouldn’t that be so fabulous and exciting to see unfold?! Just imagine what the configuration of such loveliness would be?! lol ))
Alas, immaturity, greed, resentment, ego and jealousy brings out the ugly in most people and most of the world runs on this. I wonder how the model of our inner and outer values can be reconfigured so that we all exhibit ourselves, conduct ourselves and model our interactions and dynasty building activities towards the goals, fulfillment and gratifications as delineated by you above. What would be the tactical approach for each individual to get to the state described above? what tangible benefits or rewards to offer to minds that only yearn after this world’s calculative, selfish or carnal pleasures? it’s all about I, me and myself. People hardly listen to understand, but they listen to retaliate, and because of this small thinking, they remain small. how about listening to hear the big picture and then act on the big picture to create a big picture rather than pettily gunning after the small stuff. This is a timeless question for what would be the tactical solution to offer to souls, minds and hearts that have a coating of corruption and selfishness that lacks pores to allow goodness to infiltrate on a permanent basis.
which brings me to the point of Eid, Ibrahim AS was a good Prophet, but don’t we think that the model of a husband he set is so incorrect? i don’t understand why Haajara had to be left to endure the desert along with her son…what lessons are to be learned from this? (still researching/googling this) Ofcourse faith and trust in Allah, He has a plan in His wisdom, and ofcourse Mohammad AS was to come from this lineage and grand Islam’s future. but why does Allah want his servants to jump so many creatively crazy (with due respect) hoops? why do we have such husband models in Islam that are a far cry from what a husband or family life should be? Haajara died without ever meeting Ibrahim AS and Ismail AS grew up without the warmth of his father. Sad story of husband & wife and family life. My favorite Husband ofcourse is Muhammad AS )) Issa AS dint even get to enjoy matrimony in his earthly existence (sad for him) and had a horrible time, which reminds me of this Prophethood, quite scary, perhaps should think of premature retirement? lol ))
And when the Prophetic entrance happens or has happened i suppose, this Prophet instance has broken or redefined the mould of Prophets, can we say this? lol [breaking from the norm as always, yours truly signature trait )) ] All the prophets got Jibreel AS confirming to them who they are and their mission (atleast what my knowledge tells me) and then the Prophets approached their peeps and announced to them that they are Allah’s prophet/messenger and here is the beginning of the message and we are on our way. Here we have the Prophet debating about the truth and driving a “1000 % sure?!” campaign while the beloved Companion says, akin to, “Aye! you are, desist with the debating already?!” lol ))
And then we have the ultra cute male child and “Whose his daddy?!?” craze that is gripping us all. haha )) while the Prophet is an ultra independent ultra troubled individual who for the last 8 years been battling some wrongfully imposed perception or wrongful conceptual imprisonment/isolation or another, while the perpetrators that inflict this run around scott-free with the most insane, weird, stupid, cruel, dogmatic ideologies that any sane person will laugh about and say bloody mad! and the world is cahoots in this stupidity and madness! Dumb adjectives used are “for your protection, in the interest of protecting the heart, my life, my heart” when they don’t give a damn, is this bullshit for real? (i think these B words are allowed) is the whole world bloody mad? the uncaring doesn’t matter really, no emotions or wants, just want dissociation from any abstract unreal concepts & people that have been traumatic to bear by just one kind cheery individual. sorry for the Sass, but tolerance for bullshit running low. so this is to declare the male child is independent and there is not an accurate person in dreams – open season! yeeehaw )) life’s time is limited and running out, which is only valued by the individual ofcourse, evidently doesn’t bother any other person.
Anyhoos, this is a glorious example of how your thoughts expressed above have escaped many monkeys.
some of the stuff said about the trials were made in a light hearted manner, as muslims we know our ultimate aim is jannah, the earthly life is just a blink of an eye before eternity begins to stay )
I believe, i believe wholeheartedly, with every sense of my being, for what is to happen iA, and i’m ready for it, getting there, preparing, for when it happens. Before you came, i just needed you to tell me, identify me. Before you came, I knew of the divinity of every aspect, and it was just between me and Him, as I often told Him, now between the three of us and a whole lot more, who acknowledged it earlier too. I dint think there would be a purpose with all the “elements”, “signs” or “reminders” or “proofs” i have, just took this to be a divine way of life, as gifts, without a particular purpose. now with you, i know to expect and prepare.
my work has already started, since perhaps school days, and a huge dent has already been created that still echoes loudly with the message that it conveys. life is young, lets see, together, what and how the story unfolds… the previous chapters have been thrilling, with purpose and goals!
and the beautiful aspect of this is, this will happen. and He will create ways to make it happen and He will create ways, avenues, assets, etc to let it flourish, whatever it might be. Just have to carry it, bear it, convey it, protect it and hold it up super high. He will help, the same way He parted the red sea for Moosa AS.
A devout Muslim aspires to have a fine character as exemplified by The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) who naturally respects the creation of Allah (S.B.T.). To respect nature means letting it be with feeling admiration for it. To disregard the complex world(s) of nature, full of life from Allah (S.B.T.), means that one has no true self-respect.
As a believer, with the predicament of being severely medicated, I have to respect those who don’t allow me to feel self-respect or human dignity with their imposed “treatment”. I have to accept respect from those who are “powerful” and perhaps even inhumane. They think it is fine that my body, mind and even the soul are altered/twisted, being their “dummy”, as I live in a medicinal prison. How can a Muslim accept a quality of life that is less than the true active life gifted by Allah (S.B.T.)? After years and years of not having my mind and being respected in its original state, when it is pure, it is not surprising that I lose respect for many others in society. A concern is that, as the experimental figure in society, whose real life is for a great part switched off, I have to respect, and I am given respect by, the material-minded, self-centred, rumourmongering, judgemental “Kings” and Queens” of society in their mundane world.
and i’ve always defined an archetype, its just like your definition of the model of respect and interaction as defined above, quite complimentary.
respect… The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Allah will cover up on the Day of Judgement the faults of the one who covers up the faults of the others in this world”. however, in this world, the public creates a topic for the thrill of it, when there is none, and instead of trying to understand according to the standards of the muslim community or give benefit of the doubt, they ensure the cruelty and injustice of it by publicly violating the muslim community’s respect and privacy, by taunting with this fabricated topic. vulgarity indeed must be thrilling. there are limits to what can be exchanged on a public platform, especially when the discourse harms the dignity and respect of a group or individual by another.
…it’s the responsibility of each individual to represent themselves via their best potential so that they are understood in clarity in the spirit they wish to be understood. in haste i just wanted to adhere to the the promise. so, my bad, i should be more cautious.
also, that dream about my future with the ultra tall bright faced angelic dude came true. he just appeared, solved my massive problem and looked just as in the dream. more proof ))